Ramen-ya and watch out for the puke.

11555 W Olympic Blvd, Los Angeles
http://www.ramenya-usa.com/

The other day we felt like noodles, so we decided to try this place recommended to us by Yuliya Alex and Anjuli -- Ramenya.

This place was exactly what I had hoped for: a smallish square restaurant with fluorescent lighting, chili oil on each table, and big bowls of noodles in broth. These kinds of restaurants tend to be the best. A small staff of Asian waitresses running around and one cook in the back.

What we didn't notice as we sat down was the group of four men we sat next to.

After we ordered, Ananda (whose was facing the men) pointed out that one of those guys was making some serious slurping noises as he ate. I turn around and see three Asian guys wearing collared shirts and slacks, and one humongous Phillipino-looking guy wearing a raggedy black t-shirt and shorts. He was huge! With fingers the size of small children and a belly protruding so far to make a shelf below his chest while he ate.

And he was eatin' allright. He was chowing down on not one but two bowls of noodles, those fat fingers delivering food to his hungry mouth at a steady pace, and slurping all along. At some point he let out a big belch and his buddies bust out laughing. We got our food -- delicious egg drop soup in chicken broth and noodles in soy broth with pork and shredded nori -- and started eating.

Then this guy starts sneezing and coughing and his friends jump back so he doesn't spray them. They are laughing and slapping each other on te back and we realize they are drunk. Completely intoxicated. Just pissed to the roof, and in their drunkenness they probably bet this guy he couldn't eat two bowls of Ramen. So it makes sense why they jumped... They were afraid he would PUKE on them!!! Now Ananda is getting grossed out. The sneezing man gets up and stumbles out of the restaurant to sneeze it off.
I offer to exchange seats, and we do. When the guy comes back and sits down the situation gets worse. Ananda is in the line of fire, and the slurping is becoming louder. He is dropping so many noodles on his shelf-of-a-stomach there is a small nest there. There is a huge stain on his shirt from the broth leaking out of his mouth.

At some point he falls asleep, slumping over his buddy, noodles rolling from his belly to the floor. And when he wakes up his buddies jump out of their chairs in fear of puke. We had enough, so we relocated to a faraway table. The guy next to us says: You got a camera on your cellphone? This is Youtube material! Wish I hadn't left the celly in the car.

An unsuspecting couple that had just come in and sat down next to the gargling guy also got up and relocated. The whole restaurant was pushed against the walls to keep out of the red zone.

Finally this guy is nearing the end of his (second) bowl. He just picks it up and pours it down his face, slurping, with half the broth ending up on his shirt and making a huge puddle on the floor. The four of them get up, stumble out of the restaurant, and disappear. The only evidence for the incident was a huge mess on the corner table which the waitresses were busily cleaning.

Oh yeah, the noodles were delicious too. Highly recommended for the west side!

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Over the Danube and Under the Bridge

1303 Westwood Blvd, Los Angeles

Actually if you pass under the 405 overpass and make a right on Westwood blvd, you will find Danube - a Bulgarian restaurant. You may be asking yourself, what is Bulgarian food anyway? I asked the same thing. And the asnwer? Go to Danube to find out. Besides, the service and the atmosphere are the best part!

Westwood has a very high turnover in businesses. I don't know why. If I did, I'd make some money off it. Maybe it's the fickle college students together with high rent and tough advertising space, but even the gap closed (to be replaced by a thriving Urban Outfitters). When "Buffalo Wings and Things" finally closed (who wants to eat "things"?), I was curious who would replace it. Up goes a white, green, and red sign with Danube Restaurant. Bulgarian it is.

So in our saturday afternoon wanderings about the neighborhood looking for new food expeditions, we decided to visit. Is it open? We're not sure. Doesn't look like there's anyone inside, not even a host. We push the door open. It's open. No one there. We stand at the counter, and notice a guy sitting at a table with the paper. Maybe he's the owner? The TV above is playing some strange fashion show with (Bulgarian?) music. We turn to the guy confused, but he keeps reading. Finally a nice asian girl shows up and seats us.

We look at the menu. Meanwhile another guy with a derby hat and a pipe sits down, not concerned with waiting for the hostess. And then there's the menu. It has some of the standard items I would expect from Eastern Europe (my mom is from Poland and I have Ukrainian and Romanian friends), stuffed cabbage, moussaka, roast chicken. There's also a whipped caviar appetizer -- we gotta try this -- and we agree to share a moussaka.

The caviar comes out, a big bowl of light creamy pate with reddish tint. It's delicious. I mean, if anyone gives me an excuse to eat a bowl of mayonnaise -- I'll take it! And what better excuse than caviar? Mmm mm, gotta thank eastern europe for mixing fat with fat to make a delicious dish. The moussaka was so-so, maybe it's not a Bulgarian specialty.

Toward the end of our meal, the guy at the other table looks up from the paper and tells us: "next time you should get the pork stew. It's a Bulgarian specialty." Made with tripe and other delicious things. When I recover from the whipped caviar, I am definitely coming back for some stew.

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Search on Google -- and find this blog!

Here are some strange searches on google which yield this blog on the first results page:

• is salmon supposed to smell bad
• microwave sushi
• pickup joints osaka
• south la is it bad

Orchid Bakery - The pastries are cheap, and some are delicious

1927 Westwood Blvd, Los Angeles

This is ma 'hood, ma' lil' 'hood, and it just happens to be little Persia too. So there is a Persian bakery (surprise surprise), and it's pretty good (surprise surprise), and it's dirt cheap -- now That's a surprise!

I am not part of the Persian culture, though it would be really interesting to get a glimpse inside that world. Many of the Persians in my neighborhood are Jewish, so I feel some affinity to them, but the culture really is different. I imagine huge multifamily gathering (based on the amount of cut flowers, lavosh bread, and pastries I see these people buying on a daily basis). And lots of sweets (theres pasties, then cookies, then candied nuts, then Persian coffee which is sweetend with sugar-cubes). And of course there's Persian food, but that's for another review (Samshiri grill where I've been, and Sheherezad or Baran or Flame which I'd like to visit).

So anyway, back to our corner bakery, which is not on a corner, but near a corner of a parking lot. It's small, with a pleasant atmosphere and some round tiled tables inside, and a few cute tables under umbrella-shades outside. It's not a bad casual coffee-and-cake date spot. But the atmosphere isn't the point here, it's the baked goods.

All items on display range from $1-$4. That's right, as cheap as $1!!! What do you get for a buck? A bite in the ass? Day-old bread? No. A Delicious Cream Puff, filled with nice light filling. Apparently, there is no dairy in the filling (I guess the idea is similar to cool-whip). In fact they claim there is no dairy in ANY of their products -- Lactose-Intolerants Take Note.

And what does $3 get you? A decent piece of Tiramisu (Persian version, not quite the original)

$3.95? A gigantic portion of bread pudding.

I really think the cream puff is the highlight, but everything there is worth trying. And I haven't even gotten around to the candied nuts and cookies. Oh and they have macaroons too. For these prices I'm gonna try everything on the menu (but I'll pay for it with some visits to the gym or a new pair of pants).

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Good and Bad Food Have United!

This blog hasn't celebrated a single birthday and already it is undergoing a makeover (isn't the minimum age 15 or something?) Good Food and Bad Food are combining to make one blog. Enjoy!

Delphi, A Piece of Greece Around the Corner

1383 Westwood Blvd, Los Angeles

Yeah you heard me right: a piece of Greece. Not grease! Greece! You know, the blue and white flag, sandy beaches, whitewashed walls, delicious meditteranean cuisine.... now we're talking!

Ananda and I always wanted to try this place -- it's on our walk home from school and we've never been. It's small. It's Greek. And yes, the walls are whitewash and the wood trim is painted blue. What we didn't expect is that the rotund owner with greased hair would be so friendly as to be worth the visit itself.

You know when people pay 100 bucks a plate and pontificate about the service? Well this is a different kind of service, and I definitely ain't payin' 100 bucks on my graduate student salary, girlfriend! This guy was nice. I mean fun and nice. We got there early, five o'clock (I know, who eats at 5pm south of New Hampshire?) and they were just opening. The guy happily lets us sit wherever (we choose outside), brings us bread water and menus (we order an appetizer salad sampler), says we got a nice little picnic going outside (we do), and lets us enjoy.

For those not from LA, or even not from the West Side, I should clarify. We are talking a beautiful July afternoon here. Sun is down from zenith and Ananda looks beautiful in the light. There is a soft breeze (I am not kidding, there's a reason why Steve Martin says "72 and sunny" in LA Story). We're sitting at a blue wooden picnic table with a white tablecloth.

And then the food comes. Now a quick digression: I grew up in Tel Aviv. Meditteranean and Middle Eastern cuisine are in my blood. I can smell a pita 50 feet away, and Baba Ganoush from up to a mile. I can tell you that Trader Joe's hummus with olives is good, but I make my own at home. (In the blender: 20 oz. can cooked chickpeas, drained. 4 tbsp creamy tahini. 4 tbsp lemon juice. Generous salt and garlic powder.) So when the food came out -- a beautiful platter of hummus, baba ganoush, tsaziki, and an unidentified fourth player -- I was ready.

Amazing! The hummus was great. The tsaziki cool and mild. The baba ganoush was very good, milder than I've had it before and alluring in its subtlety (ok I don't wanna scare you off with Food&Wine snobbery). And then there was the unidentified one. Lighter colored than the hummus. With a reddish tint. And we tried it. And it was good. It was so good. It was sooooo good. What is it? On the menu it says "hummus, eggplant, cucumber yogurt, and tomato". Tomato. Tomato? Since when has tomatoe been so subtle, sublime, just keeps you coming for another bite. And creamy. And light. Man this is good. The only time I've had something similar is the caviar whipped with mayonnaise at the Bulgarian restaurant (another story, another time).

Oh and the bread. Pita style bread that was finished in the fryer. You know the kind that you would eat on its own if no one was looking and then ask for another basket. For those who know, it tasted similar to Jachnoun -- the Yemenite delicacy which guarantees a weight gain.

Anyway, needless to say we wiped the plate clean (hey that's how we do it in Israel). There was also delicious greek salad with moist feta and nice kalamata olives. And of course the requisite lamb tenderlin. With peas spiced with nutmeg and another subtle flavor. It was all great.

But if I had to sneak a snack on my home -- I would stop at Delphi and just get the appetizer salad combo ;-)

Where to Get Which Salad

(Good/Bad) As a look-obssessed-fun-in-the-sun-stay-skinny city, LA doesn't have as many salad restaurants as you may imagine. In fact, if you are in the mood for a refreshing Thai Beef Salad, it can be hard to find a good one. So, here is a list of where to get the best ____ salad (and a few to avoid). Happy grazing.

Best Vietnemese Salad (wonderful citrus dressing) - Le Saigon (11611 Santa Monica Blvd)

Best Chinese Chicken Salad (not too heavy and delicious) - Feast From the East (1949 Westwood Blvd)

Best Thai Crunch Salad - California Pizza Kitchen (ok maybe that's the only place to get it, but it is so so good)

Best Thai Beef Salad - Sanamluang (5176 Hollywood Blvd)

Best Seaweed (Wakame) Salad - Asahi Ramen (2027 Sawtelle Blvd)

Worst Salads - Noodle Planet (1118 Westwood Blvd)

(Good) It's My Pleasure to Introduce - Ti Picera (SF)

Okay okay, so it's not in LA. But this is not New York after all, and Angelinos do leave the city occasionally. Ananda and I went to San Francisco for March break (well actually Ananda had a trip planned and I went to a conference), so we find our selves at the Carleton Hotel. Isn't that in the Tenderloin? No it's not, and anyway the Tenderloin isn't that bad, have you guys been to South LA recently?

But it's right near Polk street, which is like cheap ethnic food heaven, and intoxicating as it is to stroll through heaven with Ananda (whispering sweet nothings, etc.) we stumble into Ti Picera. **a quick search on google at Rebecca's apartment thereafter revealed that Ti Picera is somewhat interchangeable with Ti Piacera which means "It Will Please You"** The restaurant was very nice (not formal but fancyish) with tiled floors which gave an indoor/outdoor feel without being exposed to the harsh San Francisco weather (ok, maybe it's not Siberia but definitely colder than LA). The ambient lighting was perfect, shedding a fireplace glow on the walls which accompanied well the '04 Latour Pinot Noir we were sharing.

Both of us being Samplers (you know the type that wants to order everything on the menu and try a little of each, the type you have to protect your dessert from...) we decided to order two appetizers and a pasta (shudder all the Italians in the crowd). Of course the bread on the table was wonderful and it came with a wonderful roasted garlic olive oil. And then arrived the mushroom polenta.

Yum.

No really, Yum!

Creamy, slightly oily, comforting, homey, with mushrooms. Delicious. Really pairs nicely with red wine, the same way a mac and cheese pairs well with a light beer.

The real surprise star, though, was the provincial style mussels. I was apprehensive about ordering this, because restaurants tend to overcook the muscles, or drench them in butter. They came out with toasted sprigs of thyme on top, whose scent combined with the mussel steam for a most pleasant experience. The mussel sauce certainly had butter, but it was much more lemony than usual, and the punch of acidity pushed the dish beyond ordinary. It was amazing. It was sooo good it lead to another glass of wine and some more enjoying of the mussels.

I've tried to make it since but I still can't recreate it exactly. Amazing.

The main dish was okay, linguine al vongole, dwarfed by the deliciousness of the mussels. We didn't even want dessert, and so we wandered back to the hotel (braving the San Francisco wind) drunk and happy...

(Good) * NOW CLOSED * Ohaam's Grill - Possibly the Cheapest Fine Food in West LA

** Boohoo! It seems that Ohaam's is now closed **

Lets face it. If you are like me - a poor student living in west LA among the rich movie execs and wealthy landlords - life can get depressing when the fine cars, fine dining, and fine women all seem out of financial reach (actually my girlfriend is gorgeous so I don't worry about the fine women too much). Yes you can comfort yourself with an In-n-Out burger or some famously infamous Tomy's chilli cheese fries (see "Too greasy for my fingers but not for my belly"), but for a true meal that can feed two while leaving your arteries squeaky clean (metaphorically speaking) I have not found a cheaper place than Ohaam's grill.

Ohaam is located in one of the many strip malls on the north side of Santa Monica blvd, between Westwood blvd and the 405. Unlike its rich cousins on Westwood blvd (Flame or Baran), Ohaam doesn't sell luxurious atmosphere or an impressive glass-faced grill. Ohaam sells food, and it's good and cheap. My favorite, and also my friend Steve's favorite, and my roommate Yuliya's favorite is Albalo Polo -- succulent grilled chicken with amazing saffron rice with almonds and raisins. The chicken is good, charred but tender, and there's lots of it.

But the star is the rice. I've tried and I cannot make this stuff at home. Yes, I too watch Mario Batalli on food network, and I too listen when he says that I must bloom the saffron in warm water before adding it to the rice. Still, I can't make rice like Ohaam (or Ohaam's wife or brother or whoever is working the kitchen). Every bite gives slightly different flavors, a little crunchy almond, a sweet raisin, and I go back for another bite. Did I mention they give you a lot? If you finish your mound of rice and chicken then you are a piggy like me (and we would have fun dining together), but if you decide to stop eating when you're full (a tough decision) then you will have plenty of leftovers for lunch at work or school tomorrow.

And you can't beat the price. Under 10, for practically two meals. I can't cook food this good so cheaply at home.

So for those out there feeling down on life, and with empty pockets, who want someone else to make them comfort food, head over to Ohaam's on the edge of West LA.

(Good) This ain't no Chan Dara crap - a review of Siam Chan on the westside.

1611 Colby Ave, Los Angeles

Alex told me that from the 405 you take Santa Monica blvd. west, and then you turn left one block before Federal -- I can't remember what the name of the street is (Colby Ave according to citysearch). When Ananda and I parked in front of the place we didn't think it was a restaurant. I think she asked if it was a laundromat.

The building is a detached little off-white box with an unlit sign and restaurant parking lot (but there are meters nearby). The small barred windows are covered by shrubbery so you can't see inside, and the menu hanging on the door is the only indication of the world of wonderful Thai cuisine which lies ahead.

Inside you will find a room not much bigger than my living room (I live in a small flat on the westside) with six tables seating two to four each. I doubt the kitchen is much larger and i swear the whole place would fit in my apartment. Makes me wonder if i should open a restaurant in my place. Anyway, we are seated -- doesn't take long when all the tables are at arm's reach from the door -- and we start ordering. Ananda's adventurous, so she wants to try the broiled bbq squid special, and we get Pad Woon Sen too and Tom Ka Gai to start.

There is cheesy music playing. In fact it's backstreet boys, and the proliferous shrubs outside prevent people from looking or listening as they walk by, so i don't mind breaking out in song with the full lyrics. We agree this is a great second date place: the small quarters and non-busy space, the romantically cheesy atmosphere, and the great cheap food.

Oh I forgot about the food! Dude this place is amazing, especially for Thai on the westside, and sooo cheap!! This ain't no Chan-Dara crap with overpriced, oversweetened Pad Thai. The soup is awesome -- practically theraputic for both body and soul -- with coconut milk, cilantro, lemongrass, lime, and chicken. I think it's unusual to have coconut milk with a strong lemongrass flavor, but Ananda says that in Australia they put lemongrass in practically all Thai dishes. (Ananda spent five years in Brisbane.)

The Pad Woon Sen is so good. If you've never ordered this dish you should try it. Sometimes called "Country Pad Thai", it consists of pan fried glass noodles with fried egg and scallion and choice of meat. And the bbq'd squid is amazing. It is so nicely charred, we both eat like little piggies until we're stuffed. And then we cram in some delicious green tea ice cream (unfortunately not fried in tempura, but delicious nonetheless). The whole bill comes to just 21, and we ate alot.

So next time some westsider tells you there is no good Thai west of Harvard tell them to back up their mini cooper and drive their yuppy ass over to Siam Chan for a cheap treat.

(Good) Pampas Grill - Delectable Brazilian Charchuterie at the Grove

6333 W 3rd St, Los Angeles
www.farmersmarketla.com

Let's face it: when you woke up on a beautiful Saturday morning and looked over at your girlfriend peacefully sleeping next to you, the last thing you expected was that two hours later you would be dragged shopping at Forever 21 -- where women of all ages let their inhibitions and hands run wild in their quest to remain forever 21 for under $40. The whole affair may seem hopeless as there are few store locations around Los Angeles, one on Third Street promenade in Santa Monica (where hoards of teens battle swaths of tourists) and another at the Grove on 3rd and Fairfax.

Luckily, the Grove is adjacent to the Farmer's Market, and there you will find an exotic gem hiding among Chinese food and Johnny Rocket's. If you haven't been initiated to Brazilian cuisine, then you probably thought "Just another bland South American variety" as I did (okay, okay, so it's narrow minded, I've learned my lesson). But it offers a variety of foods culminating in some amazing rotisserie-cooked meat.

The small restaurant is buffet-style pay-by-weight, which I love. It means you can get a wide variety of dishes without paying too much. And a variety it is: it starts with salads, beets, hearts of palm (which are abundant in Brazil), and marinated mushrooms. Then there's little cheese bread dumplings (pão de queso), don't miss these things! They are delicious. Some cooked black beans with pork (feijoada), rice with vegetables, fried yucca... oh and don't forget the fried yucca flour; it will absorb all the delicious juices at the end of the meal and you you'll be glad you sprinkled it everywhere.

Then you get to the delicious meat. You know the mouth-watering pictures they put in the backlit menu above the counter? This meat looks exactly like the picture: beefsteak marinated with garlic dripping with delicious juices and covered in a crispy crust from cooking on the rotisserie for hours. Some pork back, and succulant lamb. All warped into grapefruit-sized balls with the fat intact and roasted and roasted and roasted... Mmm I'm drooling just writing about these. I suggest sticking to one or two meats: the slices are large, and it tastes so good you can't help but finish, so to avoid exploding don't take too much. The meat buffet is more expensive, so if you take the meat and vegetables on separate plates you will get a better price.

You can seal the deal with some Guarana if you please (Brazil's natural version of red-bull). If you don't believe me that it's good, let your girlfriend drag you there on a Saturday afternoon. The line in front of the restaurant will make Forever 21 seem like a walk in the park, but the food makes up for everything. Even for the woman who poked your eye out while trying to reach for that 50 cent large marble necklace.

Saude!

(Bad) Taiko: A great restaurant if you love iceberg lettuce.

Guest review by Dan Cavagnaro.

14775 Jeffrey Rd, Irvine

Alex came down to Irvine because his friend Mike was in town on business. I wanted to take them out for Korean soft tofu, which is quite delicious and satisfying, especially on a cold rainy evening. However, Alex REALLY wanted a beer, and they don't have a liquor license at the tofu place. We almost went to the mexican restaurant across the street, but then thought better of going to the only mexican restaurant in the heart of Irvine's chinese/korean neighborhood. Finally we settled on a Japanese restaurant called Taiko, which gets good reviews on citysearch, and always seems to be crowded, so it was worth a shot. My girlfriend had warned me several times that it's a bad restaurant, and she was right.

My first impression was that the restaurant smelled like fish. Fresh fish is not supposed to smell like fish, so that was a bad sign. But the restaurant very busy considering that it was almost 9pm on a thursday night, so we put our name down and waited for a table. When we were finally seated, we were treated to some weak japanese green tea. I can tell you from experience that there is a strong correlation between the quality of the food an asian restaurant and the quality of the tea they serve. This tea was not good.

Opening the menus, we found that the featured items at Taiko are the "combi," which are 3 item combinations drawing from items like teriyaki salmon, sesami chicken, shrimp tempura, sashimi, and tuna steak (low fat portion). They advertised the low fat portion as though it were a good thing. Being completely uninspired by the most of the menu offerings, I ordered the two items that had no description on the menu: the mysteriously named "no. 4 special (2 pieces)" appetizer, and the "yakizakana," which I guessed from the word "yaki" was something deliciously grilled and possibly skewered. Mike ordered the chef's special shishi dinner, and Alex ordered the combi. #5 (while Mike and I sang the infamous Lou Bega song).

The no.4 special turned out to be akin to the japanese dish sometimes called dynamite, which is basically a hodgepodge of seafood smushed together into a ball with sweet mayo and teriyaki sauce and broiled. This version happened to feature some really soft broccoli, a layer of cheese on top, and a few other bits I couldn't identify. It was actually quite interesting and probably the highlight of the evening. It was served on a large bed of iceberg lettuce, for which the sweat, creamy sauce on the no.4 special provided a nice dressing. But there was too much iceberg lettuce and not enough sauce, so I couldn't finish it.

When the main courses came out, I noticed that they were also served on large beds of iceberg lettuce. How much iceberg lettuce do they expect us to eat? Do they put a layer of iceberg lettuce under everything so that they don't have to wash the dishes? This place must have a gigantic refrigerator full of the stuff unless they re-use the uneaten portions from other people's plates. And who really likes iceberg lettuce anyway? I mean, a little bit of it can provide some nice texture, but when a plate is dominated by iceberg lettuce, it seems more like styrofoam packing material than something edible. But I digress.

I was excited to see that yakizakana is actually grilled fish, which looked like mackerel or some other unctuous white fish. I love the salty, oily, fishiness of grilled mackerel. However, my excitement ended when I realized that this version was neither salty nor oily. It was dry, and lukewarm, and almost as flavorful as the bed of iceberg lettuce that it was served on.

The sesame chicken in Alex's combo was good: large fried chunks of chicken with a sweet crunchy crust. But it was nothing you can't for $4 at a small teryaki house. He was also quite disappointed with the rubbery slices of lowfat tuna in his sashimi. Between the large portions of chicken and fish and the gigantic bed of iceberg lettuce, it was more than he could eat.

I didn't try any of Mike's sushi, but it looked quite standard, and he also had more than he could eat.

How about the price, you ask? With our three large Sapporos, the bill came out to $67. That's over $25 each after tip (which was well deserved by our charming waitress). You can easily get better food at any hole-in-the-wall japanese restaurant in Irvine for half that price or less.

In summary, Taiko serves up large portions of so-so japanese cuisine, and even larger portions of iceberg lettuce.

(Good/Bad) Ambala Dhaba - Great Food, Cheeky Waiter

1781 Westwood Blvd, Los Angeles

I spent my teenage years in Manchester, New Hampshire, where "ethnic food" was a synonym for Chinese take-out and "I'm not from here" meant you were Massachussetts. So I relish the cultural diversity in LA and the variety of nationalities represented with good restaurants in almost every neighborhood. I have also discovered a wide variety in the quality of service in LA, and Ambala Dhaba serves up a unique blend of rudeness I have not encountered anywhere else.

Tucked away in a small strip mall on the west side of Westwood boulevard, near the corner of Santa Monica, this is a great little restaurant with an emphasis on north Indian food. The samosas are great, the channa is great, the naan is great, the saag is great, the mango milkshake is great (amazing), but the service is AWEFUL!

I had the fortune of experiencing this twice. Once I came with five other friends, and Steve (not the Dolores Steve, a different one) ordered mango milkshake. A few of us ordered mango lhassis, and we made fun of him for being so American (he is as white as his native Wisconsin cheese is yellow) and not ordering the ethnic drink. We also noted that the lhassi was 50 cents cheaper (3.50 vs. a 4.00 milkshake). Well when his milkshake came we were eating and drinking our words because the thing was so good. Best mango drink I had ever tasted. We instantly ordered five more and Steve got another one too.

By now we were pretty happy and full of milk and shake and mango, and we ordered our meal. The meal was great; great samosas, great channa, great naan, great saag, and did I mention great mango milkshake? Finally we were done, the bill arrived, and we noticed that the lhassis we ordered were charged as mango milkshakes. Not a big deal -- all in all about three bucks difference -- but we asked the waiter about this out of principle. Nobody likes being overcharged. The waiter told us we had only had milkshakes, but after poking fun at Steve so much we remembered there were lhassis, so we insisted. He took the bill back and disappeared into the kitchen.

By this point we were giggling out of awkwardness. The waiter was trying to cheat us! None of us had seen such a thing before. Ten minutes later, the waiter comes back drops the bill and disappears. The total figure wasn't changed, but he had removed the bill detail so we could not argue. We couldn't believe it. Three dollars were so important to this guy that he was willing to risk his 20 dollar tip on a 90 dollar bill?? Well he got his three dollar milkshakes and zero dollar tip. That'll teach him a lesson.

WRONG! Six months later I was back with friends Alex, Anjuli, and Yulia. Anjuli orders a chicken dish, and after the waiter collects the menus he asks her: do you want white or dark meat. She asks if there's a difference and he says it is her choice. So she chooses white.

Again when the bill comes we notice that Anjuli's dish was more expensive than original -- the white meat was extra, but of course the waiter wouldn't reveal that, he's a cheater through and through and will do anything for a couple of bucks. And so stupid because he lost some good tips! You can tell that Ambala Dhaba is good since I come back in spite of the bad service.

So if you want a unique blend of North Indian food and cheeky rude service like no other, come by Ambala Dhaba in Westwood. For the full experience, I suggest ordering both mango lhassi and mango milkshake; you can compare the flavor and the price.

(Bad) Ay Dolores, Che Dolor!

11407 Santa Monica Blvd, Los Angeles

I didn't realize it, but I guess Dolores is famous. As my semifriend Anna told me (I'm not sure she would admit to being my friend in public), if you do a google search for "Bad Restaurants Los Angeles", the first thing that comes up is Dolores on the corner of Santa Monica and Purdue, near the 405.

I didn't know this the first time I visited with friends about five years ago. This was first year of grad school, the good ole' days when we would go out drinking on a random Wednesday night and find ourselves wandering the streets of Westwood at 3am looking for something to eat. That time we were fixing on gettin' us some diner food, and our friend Steve recalled a restaurant he had seen driving down Santa Monica. We got very excited and bussed our drunk asses over there.

I must say that at first sight the place is endearing. A tall lit sign with white on red lettering declares "Dolores Restaurant". We really had that feeling that inside we would meet Sally or June, the 70 year old waitress who would pour us coffee, serve us eggs, and tell us stories about LA of yesteryear. Well going in was a surprise since the place smells (possibly like piss? ask the homeless guy sleeping in the corner!). We were further surprised to be greeted by an elderly male waiter with a bowtie and an attitude.

The place is big, with lots of circular booth tables of red leather, but as one of the only sit-down places open at three in the morning in west los angeles, it was surprisingly empty (I guess not so surprising considering what we were about to find out). So the seven of us
crammed into a booth and started ordering: pancakes, eggs with bacon and country potatoes, hash browns, and waffles, and lots of coffee. Well, this was five years ago and I still remember that I ordered a tall stack of pancakes. I still remember that they came big and fluffy looking, three pancakes covering a ginormous plate. I still remember taking the first bite without maple syrup so that I could savor the flavor, and I distinctly recall my mouth tasting like sour milk with old cereal in it. I couldn't freakin' believe it! Pancakes made with sour milk, un$@#%ingbelievable!

When I looked up I saw everybody had the same reaction to the variety of dishes they had ordered. Needless to say we left hungry but amused, disbelieving that a restaurant would serve food this bad. Anna claims their chilli is actually disgusting, which leaves me with one thing to say:

Ay Dolores, Che Dolor!

(Bad) Sushi Mac - Little Osaka's Ghetto Cousin

2222 Sawtelle Blvd, Los Angeles

Sushi Mac on the corner of Sawtelle and Olympic is on the south side of Olympic -- as it should be. The north part of this Sawtelle strip is reserved for good Japanese restaurants which deserve the neighborhood designation of "Little Osaka". Sushi Mac is like Little Osaka's ghetto cousin. I gotta give it that it's cheap, but before we get to the good stuff I have to get the food review out of the way:

The Sushi is low-grade fish, with portions smaller than standard (actually less fish on the Sashimi), and includes many cooked or fried rolls.

There I said it. Now the place itself is so weird; it is a rectangular counter around the central chef station. There's techno music blaring. The sign on the wall advertises not how good the food is but how cheap it is. Even the chefs are ghetto -- they're wearing towels around their heads instead of chefs' hats, the rolls aren't cleanly cut and often misshapen, and I even caught them making a Dynamite roll in the microwave! I thought microwave philly-cheese is odd, can you believe microwave sushi?

The best part is that this is really a pickup joint. I went there with my roommate Yuliya. Both of us mid 20's PhD students and not very excited about a cheesy pickup joint. She noticed that across the counter from us there were several bored-looking trendy-dressed girls (you know the type that wears spandex pants with Ugg's boots and a cut-up white tanktop). Later about five frat-boy types sat next to us, and the girls perked right up and started working their game.

The guys were ordering sushi like kings of the hill, clearly experts with california rolls and spicy tuna. By this point the music and eyes were too much, so we headed up the road for some of the best green tea latte ever, but that's a story for the good reviews (see Catch 22 - Best Green Tea Latte Ever).

So if you wanna pick up some high-school girls or frat-boys and get away with some bad cheap sushi, try Sushi Mac on the corner of Sawtelle and Olympic. The business card says there are a few other locations, so you can get your bad-sushi even when you're not on the westside :-)

(Bad) Worst philly cheese steak - from the microwave!

1870 Westwood Blvd, Los Angeles
http://www.phillywestbarandgrill.com

If you're ever on the westside with some dirty laundry in your car and a hanckering for the worst philly cheese steak ever, head over to the corner of Santa Monica blvd. and Westwood blvd. Across the street from Petco you will find a coin-operated laundromat (for your dirty laundry) and a small bar (for your bad-philly hanckering).

I don't know which came first, the bar or the laundromat, but the current hierarchy is clear: people go do laundry, and during the dry cycle they slip next door for a drink. Even midday Saturday, you'll find laundry stragglers sipping their way through 27 minutes. I've been there a few times -- once to watch Arnold win governor, and another time during laundry, which is when I ordered the cheese steak touted by the sign on the outside.

Let me tell you this is not the best cheese steak in town; I swear I heard the microwave beep before I got a Ralph's bun with pastrami meat and congealed american cheese on top. By no means best, maybe edible. That's about it for the sandwich. But the bar is worth going to if you want to hang with some interesting characters, the closest I've found to a neighborhood bar in Los Angeles.

Cheers!